Before my oldtimers think to themselves, “Here we go again,” I am NOT suicidal.  I am extremely depressed but not suicidal.

I am not sure the blog will continue.  What you see here may or may not be the end of the blog.  My former landlord stole almost all of my computer equipment and the Sheriff’s Office won’t do a thing about it.   I will not be able to get to a hotspot to use my laptop so I don’t expect for there to be anything new on the blog for a while after this post.

On Thursday I was notified that Hartford Insurance was terminating my disability because apparently their analysts can overrule my doctor, who has taken me off of work because of two suicide attempts so far this year.  The county agrees with Hartford’s decision.  I have said, and I mean it, if I have to go to work at the Rancho WDD office, I will kill myself on the job.  My doctor is aware of this and is aware of my specific plan to do so and has been since prior to the decision by Hartford on Thursday.  We discussed it at length at my last appointment with him.

The county, at its highest level, has been aware of my suicidal tendencies for over a year and knows exactly what triggers the attempts as there is only one thing.  So, I can only assume this is their way to trigger an attempt as they know each one becomes more serious than the one before and I almost pulled it off for real back in January.

Unfortunately, I am not sure if this is Mark Kirk trying to get at me again or if this is just leftovers from the Uffer/Lamberto regime.  I do know that I spoke to George Watson on Thursday and Lamberto continues to lie to him and Supervisor Neil Derry.  Even after Lamberto sold Cheryl Ristow down the river, lied at Rex Gutierrez’ prelim, and has tried to thwart attempts by the Third District to help all of the victims of DeAnna Thompson, neither Neil or George can seem to see Lamberto for the lying bastard he really is.  The bottom line is that Lamberto is willing to subject the county to a wrongful death suit by my family, hoping that they don’t follow up if I do commit suicide.  Lamberto has it in his power to correct this but chooses not to.

The reason I am writing about all of this now is to ask for your help if something does happen to me.  As I said I am not suicidal.  But I know from previous experience that Kirk and the county know how to push my buttons to make it happen.  If something does happen, PLEASE strongly encourage my family to sue the county and Hartford Insurance.  None of them have any interest in what I do with the blog or politics, so all of this would come as a shock to them and I doubt they would realize the county’s culpability in all of this.

So, the bottom line is that if something happens to me, my family will need a really good attorney and I don’t think they have a clue how to go about getting one.   Please, please don’t let this be covered up and encourage them to pursue legal action.

Nothing personal to anyone, but really, I’m not up to talking to anyone.  I expect my phone to be turned off Monday or Tuesday. It means nothing except the phone bill wasn’t paid.  Don’t worry about me.  I will be fine.  But I could use some prayers.

For the record, back in December I was promised by Kirk that all of the county’s mental health resources would be made available to me.  That is just one more broken promise as not a single mental health resource has been made available to me.  I’ve been without medication since the third week in January as the county continues to deny me access to it.