Before anyone starts calling the cops on me, I’m fine.  I’m not going to hurt myself.  I have a good support group around me now.  I’m only writing about this because there are so many who don’t.  Suicide is on the rise, especially in the military.  I’m finding that getting help, unless one is eligible for Medi-Cal, is impossible.

Before my battle with depression started a few years ago, I thought counseling was a lot of hooey.  I’d practically force clients into it, the whole time thinking I was wasting my time and theirs.  Once the depression hit and I was “forced” into counseling my mind changed a bit, but not completely.  If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that counselors are more screwed up than patients.

I’m very frustrated.  My attorney says the county will not budge on my treatment, which basically means I get none and no medications.   It’s now been nine days without meds.  And there doesn’t seem to be a thing I can do about it until we go to trial.  My attorney has promised he is requesting an expedited trial but that is still 1.5 to 2 months away.

Today one of my counselors called me because I have missed my last two groups.  I had no way of getting there.  The gas gauge was on empty and Hartford is as screwed up as ever.  Since the truck doesn’t run on air and water, I couldn’t go.  I explained to her that I am very close to meltdown and really want to start the group over next week as I should have a check by then.  Her response was, “Sorry, I’m terminating you.”  I really wanted to respond, “I will be sure someone sends you a copy of my obituary,” but I had good sense enough not to. Continue reading →